How To Have A Healthy Relationship With Social Media
If you are new to my blog, here is a little bit of info that you may not know about me that will set the stage for this post. Aside from working as a coach, my husband and I own and run a hotel in a ski region in Japan.
It's always been a strange transition for me when our busy winter season here in Japan comes to an end and the slower days of spring begin. It's challenging to go from working 16 hour days, 7 days a week for 3 months straight to having all day to myself! It takes my mind, and my nervous system, quite a bit of time to adjust to the fact that my days are my own once again and that there is nothing pressing to do, organise, roster, purchase, file, oversee or finish!
I often feel guilty for doing nothing, having no plan, or wanting to just chill even though that is exactly what I feel like doing and to be honest, I think I probably deserve. I still feel the need to be busy and to be engaged and so instead of allowing myself to just be, I find myself being drawn to social media.
Last week I caught myself starting my day with an hour long scroll through social media as I drank my morning coffee. What I noticed when I finally put my phone down to begin my day was that I felt a deep sense of lack in my life. I felt like I was not doing enough, like I hadn't achieved enough, like I was behind the game, that I was not good enough and that I should be doing a whole host of things with my days and my time that I was not so sure I really wanted to be doing. I felt a pressure to keep up, to be doing more, to be better and to be different. It left me feeling deflated and inadequate.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
“I think we all know deep down that too much time on social media is not good for us but we spend hours on there anyway often reaching for our phones without realising it, or worse, when in the company of our loved ones”.
After working my butt off for 3 months straight, the last thing I really needed to do was make myself feel like there is more I need to do, be and achieve. Instead, I could have allowed myself to take in the achievements and accomplishments of the season and enjoy my downtime.
It is important for us to cultivate healthy habits with all the vices available to us and social media is definitely one of them. Here are a few of my thoughts around how we can have a healthy relationship with the online world in order to not disconnect from what is good, real and actually working in our lives and keep ourselves connected to the present moment and all the joy that it holds.
CHOOSE WHAT YOU CONSUME
Just like food. What content is going to nourish you? We spend on average 3 to 4 hours a day swiping through social media, perhaps more now that we are quarantined at home thanks to Corona. That is a lot of posts and a lot of opportunities to either be nourishing our minds or pulling ourselves into the comparison trap. You get to choose how you want to feel and you get to choose what you look at on social media. Delete, block, mute or simply unfollow any account, person, friend, or even family member, that doesn’t make you feel good, that has you questioning yourself, your abilities, your effort or life. Fill your feed with people or pages that inspire you, add value to your life or that allow you to simply admire the beauty of a photo or post.
SCROLL YOUR REAL LIFE REEL INSTEAD
The same week I realised that my morning scrolling was negatively impacting my state of being, I found myself flicking through my photo reel on my phone looking for a particular photo. As I scrolled and scrolled, I passed numerous snaps of times in my life that made me smile so deeply, reminded me of fun times in my life, of laughs I have shared, of friends and family that fill me with a deep sense of gratitude, appreciation and love. I realised in that moment, just how different that experience of scrolling felt. How much more uplifting it was, how much more nourishing it was, to view my own life in photos, my own personal highlight reel of real life and precious moments. So perhaps spend time creating albums on your phone to remind you of all of the amazing things you’ve done, places you’ve been or people in your life. Something you can scroll through to remind you of all that you do have and just how amazing and blessed you are.
FACE TIME OVER SCREEN TIME
Have you ever seen those groups of teenagers, and adults, sitting at a table together and rather than seeing them jovially engaged in conversation, they are all silently on their phones oblivious to one another? I see it way too often and it really bothers me. Connect with the people in your life and be present for them. There is nothing on our phones that is more important or more nourishing then real, human connection. Prioritise in person face to face time over screen time. Leave your phone in your handbag when out to dinner with friends rather than having it on the table. Switch it to silent so as not to be distracted by it dinging and beeping throughout your meal. Give your undivided attention to the people in your life, feel the joy of real human connection.
INTENTION CHECK IN
I can’t tell you the number of times I have opened Facebook for a specific reason to only find myself asking “what was the reason I went on here” after going down the rabbit hole for God knows how long! Be intentional about why you are going onto social media and keep that intention. Before opening one of your social media apps consider asking yourself, what do I want to get out of going on here? Is this really supportive to me right now? Will I feel better or worse after opening this? If you are going on to see who’s birthday it is today, keep that intention and then log off. Examine why you are going on there. What is it you really need? What are you really craving? Maybe check in with how can you get that from your real life. Keep the intentions you set and you will begin to build self trust in the process. By choosing to honour what feels good to you, you are intentionally choosing to take care of yourself. This is a generous act of self love.
LISTEN IN BEFORE LOOKING OUT
In a previous blog post, 5 Morning Habits That Will Set You Up For A Successful Day, I talked about the importance of creating a healthy morning routine. One of those being to not open your phone first thing in the morning and start consuming social media and emails. When we do this, we cultivate a reactive mindset and as I experienced with my morning coffee, we drain ourselves of our motivation and that feeling of possibility that a fresh new day brings because we have spent the first waking hour noting all the ways in which our life sucks compared to a whole host of other people. Be present for your mornings and allow the day to start slowly and with ease. If you have the time, spend the first waking moments doing a meditation, journalling, or simply being with yourself before the noise of the world comes crowding in. There is plenty of time to check social media and what you will find on there is never going to be as insightful or more valuable than what you will hear from deep within you if you just give yourself a chance to turn inward and listen.